Gwapo, Defined. Daw. (No, Really?)

UPDATE: Myuzeeshun's original series in single post!!!

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Sometimes, previous posts get quite the interesting treatment.

Via SiteMeter, I've learned I have had visitors that visited this blog via cross-referencing from a topic entitled "Define Gwapo", written by the blogger myuzeeshun (part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here).

Uh-huh. Define "gwapo," huh. Riiight.

Let's have a bit of fun with the post series, shall we?

(Or, just maybe, I'll have a few diatribes here and there. After all, I'm not going to admit I fall into any of these pigeonholes.)

1] gwapo gwapo

myuzeeshun spoke of the HASSAG, and says "HASSAGs are usually just that - HASSAGs. they open their mouths, you hear nothing."

Uh-huh. Not sure if myuzeeshun's referring to the classic "pang-display boylet" that presupposes that this boy of their preferences is good enough for them because he's good-looking (and that's all he is), but apparently, such a fellow is good enough for them.

Sad. Haha.

Then again, with physical attraction being the basis of how people catch each other's attention, I suppose that this can't be avoided; Maslow's hierarchy of needs and all that. (Yup, what should we call someone who claims NOT to have biological urges?)

2] funny/witty gwapo

Quote: "yeah, we'd rather laugh our socks off than have our panties fall off"... hmph.

Pity. And I thought that wit was something that went a long way on its own. Ah well. In myuzeeshun's defense, though, she refers to the funny/witty guwapo as someone who is "not-so-guwapo" who gets all the girls.

Damn. I wish I had a sense of humor. I mean, take a gander over this quote: "wouldn't it be interesting, though, if he'd be able to make us laugh our panties off?"

Now that's something I wish I could do. Heh heh.


3] gentleman/mabait gwapo

Quote:

"variations include:

- he who offers to bring or demands that he bring all your things/things which weigh over 10 lbs, including your dainty little handbag that's all shiny and frilly/things that seem just too heavy [i.e., your laptop bag, your Reyes Criminal Law II book].

- he who rushes to every door you'd be going through just so he could hold it open for you, despite the fact that he's got all your things."

Yada yada yada. See illustration on the right for what that fellow has pointed at him. (Besides, I've long been led to believe that the modern woman doesn't like the condescension of being treated as "the weaker sex." A bit on that later, when we get to #43. I have a little beef with the seeming inconsistency of this guwapo category with the concept of gender-sensitivity; watch out for a mini-lecture hahaha.)

Of course, I'm pretty sure that a teammate in the old IVNVI, RS, would bear this out. As my pal TL used to say (misquoted a bit), "his chivalry is such when he talks to you, or walks with you, or just when he's around, you feel like nobody else has his attention. And he's sincere about it."

Heh. Well, more power to them, then. Chivalry is for knight-wannabes, not jesters-in-exile.


4] intellectual/smart gwapo

(The "chiz escudero category"...? Benj, is this the right category? Haha.)

Quote: "but seriously. the intellectual/smart gwapo guy may either scare you off or draw you in... oh, no, wait. if he scares you off effectively, he probably meant to do so."

Heh. Women who are scared of intellectuals don't have much substance, I'd rather believe. Besides, smarts are apparently passed on via the X chromosome, not the Y, so that must be saying something.

Besides, I doubt if intellectual/smart guwapo people make the effort to scare women off. Why would we do that? We're nice people; we'd love to engage women in conversation, wouldn't we? It's not as if we'll be talking about Stephen Hawking's latest lecture all the time; we do find other things interesting.

(Not sure if those other things include gossip, shopping, and fashion, though.)


5] professor gwapo

myuzeeshun says: "yes, yes. who hasn't had that schoolgirl crush on at least one of her professors/teachers/instructors? think through your high school, college and, well, grad school memories. nyaha. this probably involves both the boss gwapo and intellectual gwapo complex."

Hmph. Quite thankfully, I doubt if the jester-in-exile will ever be a victim of this, once he starts lecturing as a career.

(Which, by the way, just might work out sooner rather than later -- hooray for the academe!)

(Then again, his avoidance of being a victim of this professor guwapo thing is because he's no Russell Crowe nor Jeff Bridges.)

(Besides, schoolgirls remind the jester-in-exile of that Nabokov novel. Ewww. In all honesty, I would rather have been the student, and someone like, say, Rachel Weisz as my thesis adviser. Haha.)


6] rockstar/musician/artist gwapo

I'm not going to contest this -- it wouldn't be fair.

Hey, after all, admittedly I've had schoolboy crushes on Aia de Leon, some writer or other of the Silliman Writers' workshop, some artist or other I've come across in some gallery or other, some theater actress... haaaaaaay. Yun lang. Nyehehe.

(That's why they get all those Packaging checklist bonuses when they undergo Prettynometric analysis.)

(Of course, that's one of the reason's why these creative folk get scores so high they no longer fall within the control limits. Ah well.)


7] frontman gwapo

Quote:

"no, he doesn't have to have talent. see him grab his crotch on stage, you go gaga and think, 'ooh. i bet that was for me!' haha."

Hmmmm.

Apparently, myuzeeshun is yet another Michael Jackson fan, crotch-grabbing and all. Sorry, kiddo, apparently, he likes little boys, and not girls.

Better luck next time. Heh heh.



8] drummer gwapo

Rapa-pum-pum and all that jazz.

Of course, what she says has a point: "there's just something passionate about how your drummer boy gets his beat going."

I can't be sure, but she just might be saying "there's just something passionate about how my drummer boy gets MY beat going."

I suppose she's sublimating one passion for another.

Nyahahaha.




9] boss gwapo

Quote:

it's the "what can i do for you, sir?" category. it's the authority. he may be your immediate supervisor, the CEO, or the president of your block. sometimes, we just want him to take charge.

Hmmm. I remember a professor saying, quite cheekily, "power is an aphrodisiac."

Or, perhaps, power can be a rather powerful pheromone. (Let's ask Bill whether or not that's true, why don't we?)

Yet another reason for some folks to enter politics, right? Bleh.






10] jock gwapo

Although on the surface it may seem trite, but then I'm not going to contest this one either... after all, athletic women are pretty hot too, wouldn't you agree?

(Caveat: we're not talking about female athletes who've been doping too many steriods that they look like Ah-nuld.)

(Of course, I'm not sure if myuzeeshun is into male athletes who mainline steriods so much their little pututoys shrink. Heh heh.)



11] mysterious gwapo

quote:

he's labeled mysterious because you don't get data on and from him, nor are you able to form impressions of him when you see him or while you're getting to know him.

Heh. Right, right. Sure.

The fact of the matter is, you gotta be Antonio Banderas before you put on the Zorro mask. If you look like Pee-Wee Herman, I doubt the mask will do anything for you.

(I do have to point out that the floppy hat is not the same as that little racoon eyewear.)



12] charming gwapo

Quote:

it's that perfectly placed dimple on his right cheek. or maybe that unmistakable sparkle in his eyes. or his perpetually red lips. or that sly Hugh Grant smile after an oh-so-sexy "hello." it may even just be the way he speaks with that dreamy believe-that-i-love-you voice. he's just so darn irresistible.

In other words, myuzeeshun is talking about Hugh Grant and no other.

(Dream on, fellows.)



13] tall gwapo

Uh-huh.

Myuzeeshun's quote "according to a syupahfriend: basta matangkad, gwapo" doesn't seem to make sense to me.

I mean, look -- I'm taller than my nephew Nikko, but HE gets the attention.

He's barely half my height, and HE gets the attention.

He's short, and HE gets the attention.

How, then, are we going to believe that "basta matangkad, guwapo?" Hahaha.

(Of course, Nikko doesn't need height, come to think of it -- the little boy belongs to the previous category.)

(Oh, and let me make it clear that that has nothing to do with me. Heh heh.)



14] daddy gwapo

Quote:

he could either be a real dad or may just look like a dad. he may also actually just be the uncle. haha. but ain't it adorable to see your guy with this little person in tow walking around the mall, or just playing around with the youngster? gwapo points kasi: "aba. pwedeng maging dad ng kids ko." wehehe.

Hmph.

(*blink blink)

No comment. 'Nuff said.

Really.



15] gwapo sa loob ng kotse

Myuzeeshun clarifies, "pero pag bumaba na, ala na. haha. but seriously, whether he be sporting a '67 impala or a mazda6, basta he'll take you anywhere you want to go."

Hmmmm. If in the unlikely event that I'm going to start driving anything more than two wheels, remind me to remove the passenger seats.

See, from my perspective, if the young woman in question is more or less subscribing to the "kotse guwapo", she's not looking at the fellow as a person worth getting to know.

She's looking at him as a chauffeur, and no more than that.

How rather, well, user-friendly, to use a fairly common derogatory remark used by some folks I know.



16] malinis gwapo

Look at the right side for details.

Nyahahaha.

Hey, she did say "like a crisp, white shirt that smells of fabric conditioner." Who are we to dispute that?

Haha.









17] dugyot gwapo

Quote:

dugyot pero hot. a physical manifestation of... err... roughness. ahem. as opposed to the maporma gwapo, kahit dugyot, walang paki - it's that other brand of confidence.

Uh-huh. Let's pretend that we don't know that myuzeeshun was raving about the Pitt.

Riiight.




18] celebrity gwapo:

Hmph.

Apparently, "gwapo kasi sikat".

Hey, if she's into Tim Yap, who are we to get in her way, right?

Really.

Kanya-kanyang trip lang yan. Same goes for her #19 entry kamag-anak-ng-celebrity gwapo.

If myuzeeshun is starstruck, let's let her be.

After all, sabi nga niya, "guwapo nga kasi sikat."

(Tim Yap. Bleh. Hahahaha.)




20] maporma gwapo

Oh, right, right! I was earlier thinking of the Queer Eye folk, but with Tim Yap as myuzeeshun's celeb guwapo, there's just might be a set of similar well-heeled fellows:

THE GUCCI GANG.

Hey, she did say something or other about "porma" or whatever, right? Brand names and what not?

Hahahaha.




21] promdi gwapo

Okay, I think it's best that we let myuzeeshun tell us what a promdi gwapo is NOT:

the type to go gimik-all-the-time, to think sunsets are boring, or to estimate good dates to cost at least P1,000.

Lauren, would you agree that promdi guwapo is the antithesis of the pearl boy?

I'm thinking so.

(Credits to Lauren for the rather appropriate photo, of course.)




22] familiar gwapo

No, really.

He sounds like furniture.

How rather sad.

Heh heh.














23] law-student gwapo

No photograph. Hey, we're just avoiding libel, it being the imputation of some vice or defect.

Consider: myuzeeshun says that "i've been however told of a popular theory that male law students are babaeros."

(Maybe we should charge myuzeeshun for libel, defaming us male law students. Hmmmm. There's a thought.)



24] geek gwapo

Quote:

"yes, we all love geeks.

O RLY?

SRSLY?

Sure. We believe you.

(Okay, fine fine. I know that Doc Tess likes geeks, but apparently she's replaced geeks with hamsters.)

(Then again, maybe there's not much difference. Hahaha.)

Myuzeeshun says, "it's that general vibe that them geeks are waaaay out of our league", using the Wikipedia definition that "a geek is generally a person with a devotion to something in a way that places him or her outside the mainstream."

Not our fault that we geeks are unique.

(Still, though, it's a stretch to claim that they "all love geeks." Why are we all so alone then? Bleh. That's just PR, I bet.)



25] been-around gwapo

Myuzeeshun used a term to describe one of such folks: "manwhore".

Don't we wish.

Heh heh.















26] virgin gwapo

Hmmm.

Myuzeeshun says it's the "ako bahala sa kanya" vibe.

Well, then.

(Uhurm-uhurm.)

Hello there. Kayo bahala sa amin?

I'm sure I wouldn't mind, nor would my fellows.

Heh heh.

Go right ahead and take charge of us poor li'l innocents.

Tee hee.



27] biker gwapo

Myuzeeshun says: "lahat ng biker, gwapo."

Hmmm.

As a biker, I'm not sure how I should react to that.

See, if the reason why we bikers are guwapo is because of the powerful machine between our legs, then such a statement belongs to groupies and posers.

It's not about the rider; you can be Ewan McGregor or the jester-in-exile, and it shouldn't matter a whit.

It's not about the ride. You can be on a Vespa or a Voxan, and it wouldn't change things.

It's about riding. It's about the Zen-like experience of being on the open road, under the blue sky, feeling the wind rushing past you.

It's about freedom. Anything less than that -- like getting on a motorcycle because you want to be "biker guwapo" -- is posing.

And if one is a poser, one isn't a biker. 'Nuff said.



28] in-uniform gwapo

Yup, I've seen this phenomenon, having grown up in Kafagway and having to see cadets all of the time.

I grant you that they've got style, but some women do take it a bit further, to the point it becomes disconcerting.

Like a friend used to say about the boys of the long gray line: "It doesn't matter kung mukha siyang paa; basta kadete, guwapo siya."

Heh.

(Dunno if in-uniform guwapo applies to Manong Guard, as well, though.)



29] med-student gwapo

(Benj, guwapo ka daw. Hehe.)

Yeah, yeah. We know. Them dudes in white coats get all of them girls.

(Heh. It wasn't as if we didn't notice that we Otto Hahn U denizens didn't see how them girls went all a-swooning over them Rizal Building boys.)

The even more painful part is that when these kids graduate, they get to tell the prettiest of them all, "uhurm, Miss So-and-so, please disrobe so we can begin the diagnosis," and ka-blam! Little Miss So-and-so strips faster than one can say "speculum."

Argh.

(I'm kidding, I'm kidding, guys -- I know that you have to keep your hands to yourselves, no matter what your patients attempt to do to you. Poor you. Haha.)



30] blogger gwapo:

(blink blink)

(blink blink)

Erm, I don't know if there's such a thing.

(blink blink)

Seriously. How can one's being a blogger make one, well, guwapo?

(blink blink)

Are we talking about PageRank here? Hmmmm.



31] shut-up-and-[insert physical action here]-me gwapo

Myuzeeshun says:

he just makes you want to grab him (in no prescribed manner, but certainly demonstrating an utterly aching desire, employing means to weaken his defense] to make him happy or to make him make you happy - the proximate cause of which can be anything about him... the not-typically-gwapo-but-MAN-that's-a-lot-of-testosterone-working-for-him gwapo.

Talk about appetite. Haha.



32] fratboy feeling gwapo

Myuzeeshun says:

no, i'm not referring to all of them guys who are members of fraternities - but only to those who have nothing else to be gwapo about, and instead use the the fact that they're fratmen to think they're gwapo. GAH.

oh, yes. we see right through you.

may galit? haha.

Bitter, much, myuzeeshun? Mwehehehehe.



33] nag-iisang-lalake gwapo

Myuzeeshun says this about them:

e wala nang ibang pwede eh. in a class. on an out-of-town trip. at the office. sa FX.

swerte-swerte lang yan.

Therefore, if you fall into this category, don't go with your pals if you wanna meet some girl or other.



34] cook gwapo

(Nashman, natarakika kano, kunanamet.)

Myuzeeshun says:

seeing him work his way knowingly around the kitchen makes you wonder if he's willing to learn (or if he already knows) about all the things that can be done in the kitchen with you. ahem.

Hmmm. Kitchen.

(Big grin. Hahahaha.)



35] domesticated gwapo

Myuzeeshun says:

as defined by my good friend, kurkeh: "the kind of masculine male that won't blow his head off by doing the laundry, cooking breakfast and tinkering with the kitchen sink."

he basically knows his way around the house and is generally DIY. no yaya, no mommy, no ate - but you don't see used towels and used (for God-knows-how-long) briefs atop...well, furniture and rooms appropriately viewable and used by guests, at his place.

Hmph. That's something fairly common for anyone who's lived alone and away from homecourt territory for years and years now.

(Anya, Nashman, adda gayam pag-asa tayo?)

Then again, it could just be the tool belt... something along the lines of "do you have a large screwdriver"? Heh heh.



36] boyfriend ko kaya gwapo and 37] gwapo ka kasi kaibigan kita

Consuelo de bobo.

Oh well, I suppose that counts for something.

I mean, wouldn't it be really sad if nobody on this planet considered you appealing for whatever reason?

If you belong here, count yourself lucky that at least you do.

Kaya nga consuelo de bobo na nga lang eh. Haha.



38] secure gwapo

Myuzeeshun's entry says he's either (1) the guy being/seeming secure or (2) the guy being someone you can be secure about/with.

The first seems to be a positive; the second, well, it's as if the woman in question thinks of him as a convenience... like an ATM.

Heh. Perhaps we fellows should aspire to be the first; as to the second, perhaps we should be wary about becoming milking cows.

(Of course, the "security" aspect is why we poor boys from the boondocks don't get the same attention as them bling-bling boys, eh?)

All the same, it's not a bad thing to be secure about oneself. Take a look at that character Jughead -- he's cool with whatever and doesn't pay much mind to Archie and company's nonsense.

(On the other hand, there was an Anti-Jughead league of women, wasn't there? Heh. Bitter lang sila. Haha.)



39] international gwapo

Nope, the blogger said nothing about interstellar guwapo.

Worf cannot apply.

(Neither can we guys, most of us being from Mars. Ah well.)












40] gay gwapo

(AJ, heads-up.)

Maybe it's the lure of the unattainable, the forbidden fruit, so to speak.

Maybe it's knowing that he'll never fool you (simply because it's not you with whom he wants to fool around).

Hmmm.

Nah. I like women too much to want to fall into this category.

Haha.



41] kawawang gwapo

Interesting concept.

The money quote:

even if you're not motherly, you'd love to baby him.

we pinoys love underdogs. may kinalaman ba yun?

Excuse me a moment, I'm going to go get myself run over by some car or other.

Not.

Haha.



42] richboy gwapo

The quote:

...who superwoman rory describes as the "combination of gwapo sa loob ng kotse (dahil naka-ferrari/maserati nyahaha) at celebrity gwapo [kahit di naman talaga ganun ka-gwapo pero sinasabi ng lahat] dahil miyembro ng old rich family." haha. wala ka nang duda sa seguridad.

Hmmmm.

I remember a good friend (wealthy as Midas, I kid you not; DBF as well) once saying, quite ruefully, something along the lines of this, "after a date with some girl or other, and we have a good time, when I get home and into bed, sometimes I stare at the ceiling wondering if the girl was really into me or if she simply likes the fact that I can spend for a fancy dinner at some expensive resto, drive her around in a Jaguar that all her friends swoon over, and maybe get her a fairly expensive gift at one time or other."

That said, I'm rather glad I'm poor as a churchmouse -- I don't have to worry about some girl liking me because of bling.

Fair warning, ladies: such fellows do either of three things -- one, don't take you seriously because they become cynical, believing that women get to like them only because of their financial capacity; two, attempt to conceal it (dressing down and whatnot), like Eddie Murphy in coming to America; and three, keep on trying to find that one girl who'll like him whether he owns a hospital or slaves in one... do note that the first one is far more commonplace that the second and third combined, and that the third is a rarity that you richboy guwapo groupies don't hardly deserve.

Heh. Biscotti. Whatever. Haha.



43] gender-sensitive gwapo

Myuzeeshun says:

"my blockmate tin describes him aptly:

gwapo kasi gender sensitive. ganun kasimple. hehe. super rare and super attractive. fully appreciates the value and power of women and engages in behavior if not action that helps change discriminatory social structures and concepts...the rare guy you meet who actively tries to recognize and arrest his own chauvinistic/homophobic thinking and behavior and support efforts to empower women etc... NOT for show just to get pogi points but because he has given it critical thought and has really come to understand (beyond the intellectual level), the need to change the prevalent situation of the oppression of women."

Applause. Well said.

Then again, this is my minor beef with the concept: the attempt to keep on the path of gender-sensitivity can be frustrating on the practical basis, despite one's intellectual acceptance and advocacy of it.

Consider the MRT: how can the principle of recognizing the strength and empowerment of women be compatible with gender segregation of cars? Preferential treatment, inadvertent though it may be, isn't compatible with equity; in fact, it can be a form of reverse discrimination.

Sure, we'll do our best to be gender-sensitive, but if the women themselves do not oppose preferential treatment for them, then the oppression has merely changed sides.

Be fair with us as well, given that we're trying to be fair with you.

(Maybe someday someone can adequately explain to me how the concept of chivalry and putting women on a pedestal -- something quite commonly attractive to certain women -- is compatible with the idea of gender-sensitivity and empowerment of women.)



44] advocate gwapo

Myuzeeshun has a brilliant quote: "apathy may might as well be seen as an insecurity, if not some form of incapacity."

I agree. Perhaps we can call it moral and intellectual impotence? Haha.

And finally:

45] magic gwapo

Myuzeeshun says:

he's the guy you can't stop thinking about.

the guy you can lose yourself with.

the guy you can't take your eyes off.

the guy who's able to make you laugh and pick you up when you've hit rock bottom.

the guy you'd hold hands with for five hours, not saying anything, and you'd feel like everything's all right in the world.

the guy you don't mind hearing you snore because it's only beside him that you can sleep the deepest.

the guy who's on top of your contact list because he's the first you'd tell about your day, and scrolling through the whole list might just take too long for you and you don't want him to miss any detail because you know he'd want to hear every bit of it.

the guy you can't have enough of even if you're practically with him 24/7.

it's his call you'd wait up for at the end of a tiring day not because international calls are damn expensive, but because talking to him and hearing him laugh is priceless.

he's the guy you know you'd give your life for because you know that for you he'd give his.

he's the inconvenient guy you'd be willing to set aside what matters to you for, the guy you'd hopelessly "wait" for.

he could even be the guy you'd make sure gets the things you think would make him happy, knowing and not minding that you're not one of them...

well, you try.

Hmph.

This is why every bookstore has a section dedicated to those romance novel genre, with covers containing variations of a half-naked woman in the arms of a half-naked man trying to drive his tongue down her throat.

Sa Hollywood lang yan nagkakatotoo, 'day.

Wow. Talk about a long post.

***
Hmph. Don't worry, friends, we're still keeping an eye on current events and issues.

(Yes, we just had to take a breather.)

Later, all.

(Oh, and try not to take things too seriously. Haha.)



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